From the Heart. (Forgiveness)

Hey guys, I'm taking a short break from my love story to lay out my feelings. My best friend and I have parted ways. I'm having a hard time forgiving her, but I know I have to because forgiveness is for me, not her. So here goes. Stay Strong, we  where friends for 5 years. From the VERY FIRST DAY of high school, to about the 2nd month of college. We went through tears, family issues, boyfriends, laugher,everything. You were like a sister to me. I opened up my heart, family, house, everything I had to you. When you started college I started to get worried for you. I wasn't judging you. I was trying to help you. I can not hold you accountable for your own actions. That's something you have to do for you. I did however tell you I would help you if you needed it. The next thing I know Haley is jumping on me for a comment I made on something you posted that was meant to be positive. That was hurt number one, I know you say Haley is her own person, and I understand that but I KNOW you saw the comments. You didn't stick up for me. That hurt. Then you took me off your Facebook without explanation. Hurt #2. Then you reach out to me and I try and talk it out with you and Haley jumps in AGAIN. Hurt #3. I thought I meant so much more to you than this. I have ALOT of hurt, betrayal, anger, and resentment toward you. What you did to me hurt. It cut deep. You traded your BEST FRIEND (or so I thought) for a girl who you didn't even like at the beginning, and known less than a month. That hurt. It sucked. You replaced me with her. My song to you is Warrior by Demi. I know you are familiar. I didn't do anything you. I didn't say anything negative, I didn't do anything. You just disappear, and change friends and toss 5 years of  friendship away like it was nothing, hurt #4. And then you say I "judged you" and wasn't a real friend... hurt #5. If I did judge you im sorry. I don't see how everything I did for you was "judging you". I don't know if ill ever be able to go back. I'll forgive you eventually, but you made your choice when you let Haley say those EXTREMELY HURTFUL things to me. Hurt#5. I'm sorry if I "wasn't a real friend".  I think I was as real as I could be. I'm sorry to say this but you were wrong. I just don't understand how you can just up and throw away 5 years of friendship. I'm numb, and at a loss for words. I'm just amazed. You talked to me like I wasn't even anything to you. Like we never had 5 years of history. You have changed. You have started listening to rap music, you started talking "nigga" "ghetto" all this. You haven't figured out who you are yet, you just go with whatever influence you are around. It's like you aren't your own person anymore. You let the influence of others overshadow who you really are inside and who I thought you were inside. You changed your outlook on life. All you want ot do anymore is sleep and have fun. I recall you even saying "Who needs college?". Its like you haven't come to terms with the fact that you are in college, and are grown up now. You want to skate by with doing the minimal amount of work. I'm saying all this to say this: You are NOT the friend, the person, the BFF that I knew. You have allowed others to call me ugly names and to say HORRIBLE things to me without so much as an "I'm sorry." I know that I should forgive and I will but it will take time.